I read this really amazing paragraph in this book called ' The Power of Now' and it quite suddenly changed my mood. I was randomly fipping through the pages feeling extremely grumpy and lonely..when I found the page that said (in brief) that pain through anger, frustration, disappointment...or negative thoughts is like a parasite that slowly feeds on you, feeds on itself and slowly becomes you. And the only way to counter it, is to simply be aware of it.

And it will vanish..thought it might show signs of coming back, all one has to do is simply be aware of it. People have said it so many times...i ve read it so many times...but it hit me...especially Budhha's definition of enlightenment that i found on further reading....enlightenment is the state where there s no suffering...and everything there is to know about anything is all within us...this too, is something that i ve read in so many places....but this time, it hit me...

and pain and suffering are just figments of our mind...they may seem real and sometimes may be too..but only by reaching down and probing into it and having the courage to face it can only help.. the fact remains they can be overcome...because they arent real....and that s what i m figuring out...

and also there s this wonderful book called 'Seven Spiritual Laws of Success'..by Deepak Chopra .which i m too lazy to summarize now but i will :) everyone has to know about this...it will hit them sometime...if now now, when they want it to, it will ..

random poetic thoughts

the grace that flows across to me
now, then and forever
in my waking dreams
in my reality

they merge into one
when i seem to realize
that reality is a dream
and dreams are but a reflection of reality

a hidden reality
that flow on and
on seamlessly, efforlessly
life is efforless

if you realize that it is a dream
but a dream where there s a choice
to wake up
to the curious sensation

of time slipping away
like sand through your fingers
let go...
let go and live

through the sunshine
through the rainbow
through the cold biting wind
and through the downpour

surrendering to that which birthed you
with a smile like the
freshly bloomed lily
in its innocence and beauty

in that purity
and that dewy freshness

and then you connect....

another poem :)

will or wont, do or dont
the power still lies within me
dawn or night, ascending and alight
life still goes on without me

wandering around the nothingness
not knowing what lies ahead in the path
even as the clouds
do the eternal sunshine, swathe

eternity after eternity,
i am told that i live on forever
as i move on from oblivion to oblivion
finding ways to sever

the walls cast around my mind
so that it may find itself
and maybe the ways of the world are such
that in others, i realize that i find myself

wiping their tears
as the world deludes them of sorrow
that veiled melancholic thunderstorm
we only have to be aware of to pass through

the hearts of men are alike
they beat in unison, as they are
but one and the same
golden boughs of the ageless tree

the roots of which are hidden
though ever in sight for the seeing eyes..
of those who see beyond the veil
only through love and faith and trust

will you be able to persevere to that eternal paradise...

Recently, I was at a satsang where one of the senior advanced course teachers answered our questions and she pretty much added a sense of direction to my life...My question was that we face so many situations and we keep listening to, reading and receiving 'knowledge' from the path that we are on...But how do we actually implement it ? And she answered it...and this answered pretty much every question of mine...until new questions come along. She said..whatever you feel be it thoughts, feelings, craving or attachement..greed, jealousy, anger, boredom, anything at all, just sense it, feel it, get inside yourself and find out where it is coming from...and just sense its presence, acknowledge it and it will vanish..and then, you become conscious..the base of the path...once you are conscious, you will be able to give your fullest wherever you are and play that role to the fullest...once you are conscious, a whole new world unveils itself...the dawn of what i have heard so many times 'Wake up and see, there is no misery in the world'..happens..bit-by-bit..


one other equally significant thing she said was....when you say you love someone, it s because you feel nice being with them, therefore, that love is centered around you..that is the base of every relatoinship...it s a give and take of feeling nice...But the difference is, when you love someone, rather everyone as much as you love yourself....and take care of them, as you would yourself....that s something that got me thinking...

She also said this...If you want something, go ahead and ask of it from the universe, the cosmos, god or whoever represents the divine from the bottom of your heart...and it shall be granted if in the long run, it s good for you..(my note: for the universe knows what s good for you, considering you are a part of it and life is the journey in realizing that you are a part of it...)

and this certainly makes life easier...

Through the darkness and the light

A poem for a change :)

I looked up into the sky
and saw the infinity looking back,
the stars winking at me
and the clouds smiling amidst the deepest black

The moon was reveling
in the starlight, so deep
The sky - a part of them
was putting them all to sleep

As I looked on and on
into the eyes of infinity
I found everything I needed to have
solace, peace and clarity

But the sorrow lived on
tinging the clouds a mellow grey
and then the clouds were bathed in gold
as dawn came and held the fray

Even as the sun awakens from its slumber
everyday, dancing to its divine tunes
brings to us the warmth, the winter and the rains
from the rolling grasslands to the mighty dunes

And I have lived forever
And I have lived on
through my slumber and in my glory
I have only moved on

Journeying in this divine nest
that is thrown apart and asunder
by it s own forces
us the living, the snow and the thunder

of humanity, and of the unseen
We only have to know
The sun , was , is and will be
If not here, there and now

And I will look on forever
gazing into the eyes of the infinite
Until I find my answers
I will love you...through the darkness and the light

I ve come to notice that we all run our lives with our own ideas and when we get stuck in these, it s almost like a quagmire .. We have so many pre conceived notions...full of what people, places and things (mainly the media) have thrown at us...which we keep collecting and storing...that after a point things just stink up...I keep wondering why cant we live life without any of these things bothering us, by just staying true to our hearts and nothing else...Then things become so effortless..almost like a dance in the rain...full of that bubbling something which which we ought to be running our lives...with that lightness...just letting go and revelling in ourselves...then we are compassionate..and we transcend discipline....and everyday I have to keep reminding myself to do the same....and I seem to brush against that something in myself which is just a witness to everything that I m doing..reminding me that nothing matters and making me wonder what is the beginning of beginnings and the end of the endings...wishing that some things never end..and wishing they would begin everyday

......

It is weird when something touches you so deeply and yet you know it is not real. It is real momentarily and then disappears, like the firecrackers except that they last an entire lifetime, before you are born again like the next one that bursts spectacularly..You hope it lasts forever but it breaks your heart and then there it comes again another one....Yet finally it is just smoke...it was, it is and it will be...slowly drifting to eternity...and you try to comfort yourself with this thought until the next new year and it happens to you all over again...or the next new year...but some stay in your heart forever until your body and your mind die and fade into oblivion...ot until you realize that the new year is in you...you are the new year...and all i wish for is to enjoy every new year until i find the source of new years...with a smile...through the colour and the haze of smoke..through the dark sky...through eternity....I m in love...

love actually

For quite sometime now, I have been feeling that there is something shimmering, dancing and playing deep inside me that was just there...living..and if it ever came to live through me now, then I will have lived..But, there is something , some barrier that deeply sepaarates this part of me from showing up ...my mind ...and its logic, its vices, its negativity...and whenever I do meditation, some part, a teeny-weeny part of this barrier seems to break, and I am that shimmering something...smiling and ready to serve...where nothing can touch me..and soon the gap closes...But there is still a small hole left where the 'light' leaks through....And I am sure that I will find this light, that I will let it seep through me...all it needs is just time, intensity and authencity..like a burning torch that is pure...so pure, innocent and I am the fuel to the torch...and I am the torch

STRANDS

Some random observations:

• When we wake up early, those few seconds of effort seem torturous, but the whole day is blissful after that. But if we yield to temptation in those few seconds, it costs a whole day or more of inconvenience and guilt....So those few seconds are the most crucial and that's how life is, the most important decisions are taken in a span of few seconds and if we listen to our conscience and fight the temptations of our mind, life becomes much easier...And it is so easy to miss that soundless voice....we ve got to REALLY listen to ourselves

• Our mind is like an unmagnetized piece of iron, with thoughts like the iron molecules scattered everywhere and once it is magnetized, the molecules are aligned in one direction or the mind is perfectly focussed, that s when we live life...But the process of magnetization is the step-hard or easy through whatever path we choose to take, those few seconds of non-yielding to temptation may make all the difference

And none of this can matter at all...Who really knows?Only the desire to change it can tell...Nothing else...

JUDGEMENT!!

The other day, I was watching Guruji's commentary on the Narada Bhakti Sutras and something which he said really struck me:
(Not in his words- but the essence of it)
Maya means that which is measurable and all the things in this world are measurable...But that is not real..because, measurement is relative- what weighs 40kgs here, will weigh only around 20 kgs (forgive my calculations here, I have forgotten my Physics after leaving school) on the moon and it will be weightless in space..SO our measurements are not real...

Then, when we judge people, we are only measuring them, then HOW can they be real? What you judge of a person, is not a person.. They are not their qualities, they just are ( I leave it blank, Guruji knows, all of us who know Guruji, have learnt it from him, but do not KNOW it yet, as we are yet to experience it at its fullest...which we will and those who do not, just do the course mail in to ask how :) cause I presume you want to know who your own selves are ...

So watch your mind, it is quite an interesting thing to do, capable of engaging you for a long time and with interesting results too as I have experienced :) might explain my periods of silence ..one emerges a new person when one does that..and when you find yourself judging, know that none of it is real.. one does not even know oneself, how can one know others??

An account of Ashtavakra

This is a story, rather historical account of an enlightened soul...It is one of the most beautiful accounts of something that has been spoken about..And this can change our lives, if only we ponder over and be aware of the depths of it.

Ashtavakra

There have been cases on record: one very great mystic of India – I have spoken on him for almost half a year continuously. His name was Ashtavakra. And what he has written is tremendously important; each sentence has so many dimensions to be explored, but the man himself was in a very difficult situation.

Ashtavakra – the name was given to him, because he was almost like a camel. In eight places he was distorted in the body – one leg was longer, one arm was shorter, his back was bent – in eight places he was distorted. That’s how he was born, with a crippled, distorted body. But even in a crippled and distorted body the soul is as beautiful as in the most beautiful body.

He became enlightened, but his body was too rigid to change with his inner change. His eyes started showing something of the beauty, but the whole body was in such a mess.The story is that the emperor of India in those days was Janak and he was very much interestedin philosophical discussions. Each year he used to call a big conference of all the scholars,philosophers, theologians or whoever wanted to participate. It was a championship competition.

One very famous philosopher, Yagnavalkya came a little late. The conference had started and he saw standing outside one thousand beautiful cows. Their horns were covered with gold anddiamonds. This was going to be the prize for the champion. It was a hot day and the cows were perspiring.

He told his disciples, ”You take these cows. As far as winning the competition is concerned, I am certain. Why should the cows suffer here? You take them to our place.” They had their own place in the forest.

Even Janak could not prevent him, because he knew that he had been the champion continuously for five years, and he would be the champion this time, because there was nobody else who could defeat him. It is not right to take the reward before you have won, but his victory was so certain to everybody that nobody objected. And his disciples took away all the cows.

While Yagnavalkya was discussing, a very unknown scholar was also present in the conference. Ashtavakra was this unknown philosopher’s son. His mother was waiting for her husband to come home. It was getting late and the meal was getting cold. So she sent Ashtavakra to bring his father home, because he could not win the competition. Why should he unnecessarily waste his time? He was a poor scholar and there were great scholars there. Ashtavakra went. There were at least one thousand people in the conference, the highly cultured and sophisticated scholars of the country.

As Ashtavakra entered, looking at his distorted body they all started laughing. But Ashtavakra was a man of tremendous integrity. As they started laughing, he laughed even louder. Because of his loud laugh they stopped. They could not believe that he was laughing.

Janak asked him, ”I can understand why they are laughing – because of your body; but I cannot understand why you are laughing. And you stopped all their laughing with your laughter.” A single man stopped one thousand people’s laughter.Ashtavakra said to Janak, ”I thought this conference was for scholars and philosophers, but these are all shoemakers. They can understand only the skin. They cannot see the inner, they can only see the outer.”

There was a great silence. What he was saying had a great truth in it. Janak dissolved theconference and said, ”Now I would like to inquire of Ashtavakra only. He has defeated you all just by his laughter and his statement that, ‘You can’t see the inner, you can only see the outer; you are all shoemakers.’ Shoemakers work with the skin of different animals. I dissolve the conference and, Yagnavalka, return those one thousand cows, because you also laughed. And when Ashtavakra laughed, you also stopped!”

It was a very strange situation; it had never happened before. And then began the long inquiry of Janak, the emperor. He asked questions and Ashtavakra answered them. Each answer in itself carried so much meaning and significance.

Because his body was in such a bad shape he could not get identified with it. Sometimes blessings come in such disguise. He could not go out, because wherever he went people would laugh, ”Look at that man! Have you seen anything uglier than this?”

So most of the time he was in the house, meditating, figuring out, ”Who am I? Certainly I am not this body, because I can be aware of this body, I can observe this body from within. Certainly that awareness has to be different from the body.”

Because of his crippled body he experienced enlightenment. The only barrier is identification with the body. But he could not identify, the body was so ugly. He never looked in a mirror; it would have been such a shock.

But Yagnavalkya had to return those one thousand cows to Ashtavakra’s house. He was young and he defeated one thousand old philosophers, well-versed in the ancient scriptures.

It is one of the strangest things in this country that on every book written by any prominent mystic there have been hundreds of commentaries, but nobody has commented before me on Ashtavakra. And he must be at least five thousand years old. For five thousand years nobody has bothered to look into his statements, which are so significant.

But his inner enlightenment, his inner understanding could not change his outer appearance. And yet for those who are going deeper into themselves, the outer does not matter. They would have seen even in Ashtavakra tremendous beauty, but it would not have been of the outer circumference, but of the center.Most often the inner change changes the outer, if the outer is not too rigid. But the outer never changes the inner.

You need to have eyes, going deep into people’s beings, which is possible only if you are going inwards yourself. The deeper you go into yourself the deeper you can look into other people’s beings. And then a totally new world opens its doors.

SOME THINKING

One of Newton's laws says (roughly) that an object continues to remain in its state of rest or uniform motion unless an external force acts upon it... I think this holds in the following way:
That in places like the ashram,we are at our natural selves, uniform state of rest and happiness and where we experiences forces like Guru Tatva that produces positive acceleration -towards our 'source'- to which all of us are knowingly or unknowingly moving
When we come to the outside world, negative external forces pull us down, slowing down our rate of acceleration and with our sadhana, we move forward at a considerably slower rate which to which more positive forces like seva and satsang add up... :)

All these negative forces don't let us be ourselves-be it desire, greed, ambition, anger...frustration...all these are not us, cause when we are comfortable and away from them, we want or play, laugh, have fun and do whatever we do back in the ashram.. Everybody faces glow and charm the other faces around

But in the 'real world', these negative forces overcome us and we start to think that they are us...But as we meditate and do kriya, we get the energy to realize them and handle them, hence the peace and the charm are back, but it's more difficult around here, unless you keep increasing and sustaining the meditation exponentially..

This is something I realized and this does not come easy...Handling them is an 'art' in itself and takes courage and strength..

True Love (in the romantic sense) is not experienced truly unless you are in that stable state...it does for a few...There is absolutely no point looking for it - it simply wont work that way, it has to happen, otherwise it will be fake and short-lived not to mention painful....and totally unnecessary

On the other hand, it gives us time to focus on what we truly are and why we are and so on..Who knows even if we do that, we might find yet another puzzle to solve maybe in a new universe which will take even more millions of lifetimes to find. And we wont know unless we crack this...and even thinking of this takes so long...
And yea, I guess it helps if in love there is a higher goal...That's when the love has full chances of survival...But then who knows, love might be just a ruse for progeny of species..Still..it feels good..in every little way (when it happens and if it does )

But for all eternity, it is Guruji for me, whether I sometimes forget or not ...He's the only one who is ALWAYS there, in his own mysterious ways... And I love him for that

To Me, To Me meaning to you too

Here are a list of things that bother me to no end and like Fulghum (Pronounced Ful-jhum) says in his book 'Maybe (Maybe Not)', it is the bull (El-Torro) that starts to stampede its way towards me and I am that matador standing silently watching him come towards me, only till now I was squirming and if I really had been a matador, I would have have been run over with the bull pouting smoke in triumph now...Anyways getting to the point, I wanna get over why I felt so bad and start my training to be an expert matador..Here goes:

1) I have this block against talking to people when I am supposed to because in my mind I feel I am not connecting to them, I don't feel good about talking, mixing, interacting, etc...unless I am in my element ...a rare occurrence until now, because as this Yes Plus has taught me again and again and so on..., NOW is when you decide to change and NOW is happening, NOW is constant, so I have changed...And my people skills will improve :)

2) I never felt good about myself...For sure lucky and grateful for what I have got, but never proud of who I am..So now, appreciation..a pat on the back for everything I have learnt (and implemented) and there it ends

3) Ego----- EGO...The separation from the things around me , the lack of belongingness..in short the wall I built saying 'Why should I??'..or 'How does it matter?'...I have NOW broken that wall..

4) Faith..The faith in what I do, therefore the passion and therefore my best efforts..in every small things, not 'The God of Small Things' but THE GOD IN SMALL THINGS

5) Attention seeking.....Now it's gone

I hereby promise to leave my COMFORT ZONE and venture forth into the world of CHALLENGES...Doing unto my capability what I thought I could not...


With Love
ME to infinity and love

What can one really say??

Well today, I was having some choco-nut gelato and just contemplating on why people still use plastic and what is one really supposed to DO when it is thrust into one's hands or one cant help but use it..Anyway, it suddenly hit me that maybe the purpose of life is to find the purpose of life...?? What else can it be?? And the other side says just shut up and go on with your seva, sadhana and satsang...But it just comes and with time most of the answers do too, somehow....And i figured, all I sometimes really want to do is seva- even as a profession...and be there doing it all my life...at the feet of my Guru- that s the most important part..

life

I have been reading this book called Uh-Oh- some observations from both sides of the refrigerator door (or something like that)..By Robert Fulghum and I can say that its one of the most influential books i have ever read... He doesnt preach, he doesnt just describe, he communicates and it hits you.. And all it has is just his experiences and observations about people and life.. I m not too much of a reviewer, so that s all I will say now . But it is a must read for everybody in the world, just to take time off for themselves and reflect on the life they have been living and not realizing they re alive... Well I guess you could say it was the same for me, but now I m getting there and still not living yet. Why? because I found that it is easier said than done and all along the mind plays so many tricks on us to get out of what it has to do even though it wants to do it and that feeling of dissatisfaction of not doing what you set out to do is one of the worst things on Planet Earth among the so many other mindless things that happen.. And unlike just hanging out in some sophisticate fish-market like a crowded coffee day, life gets filed with color sitting with a group of friends who have no judgements and strumming the guitar with some warm singing :) in a breezy terrace with a view of the Adyar River... or a game of chess with one of your old friends, a can of ginger beer nearby...Nothing better


For exercise, I suggest some tree plantation wherever possible. I was feeling bad about having not done much work on account of my fear of butterflies this Saturday Morning in the backyard of a church...But I am happy I took time off and went and I will go again ,and again, till I feel I ve given my best and then do some more ...(and hopefully gotten rid of some more mindless fears)..after all what is to fear, death may come calling anytime and you dont wanna die thinking you were scared of butterflies..

PS The pic is of me and Katya (my friend whos in Blore) at the tree plantation venue last week..I did more work then ...cause there were lesser butterflies..

PPS I know you re laughing..but well its me and I m slowly getting over the fear I guess ..

One of my angels and one of my profiles

This is one of my first profiles and who better to write it about than Diya? Profiles are basically articles about anything, person or place focusing only that particular thing,person or place....and Diya is certainly someone you should not miss out on...She's such a bundle of joy :)

A TRIBUTE TO THE CHILD OF THE RIVER

“Next term onwards, you will not call me OK? Just send me letters..” Only someone like Diya, my best friend can come up with something like that. She goes on to tell me that she’s told her parents to call her at hostel once a week only and send her letters instead. Her aim here is to see how it feels to be cut-off from ‘Idiot Boxes’, telephones, networking online and actually experience the heart-to-heart communication that happens with a no-nonsense (sans the superficial Wazzups, What you uptos and the like) , much more meaningful letter. Much more expansion in one’s mind and soul, she feels, happens this way,

Characterized by a round visage, creamy-fair complexion and deep, twinkling, beetle-black eyes, she is of average build and is gifted with the hands of a creator with an equally creative mind, having been born to an artist-turned ad-designer father, Her house is tastefully decorated with Australian Pine wood, comfortable Mahogany chairs and adorned with ethnic accessories and large paintings. Enter her room and you will find it filled with useful and decorative knick-knacks made by her.

Diya is a deep, intelligent soul, ever-bubbly( with the innocence of a baby) yet extremely matured, self-contained and eternally happy. She’s one of those people as my English teacher put it ‘makes silence feel as comfortable as any conversation’ and whenever we have conversations, they turn out to be discussions on psychology, why some things are done and some are not, why is whatever is happening- happening or admiring some creation of the world or some observation on the world. She is also one of those with a calm disposition and never loses that state, which is almost meditative with regard to whatever she does.

Apart from being a connoisseur of art, she is also a ‘connoisseur’ of food. Every visit to her house entails a new dish, most often her brainchild or simply a scrumptious dessert. In her own way, she is spiritual and has a deep understanding of why people do what they do or why things happen as they do.. Yet she can’t sit down to do things like studying from a text book but is like a child playing in the garden, exploring and learning and playing with the greatest care and attention, joy and enthusiasm. This quality of hers combined with her calm nature saves her from sinking into muddy waters.

Having no regrets, qualms or too many expectations only makes her even more special to those who know her, also making her stand out in a classroom full of chattering people where she will be one of the few who are completely at ease and among the most frank. You will almost always find her working some kind of magic with her fingers or simply basking in the environment.

Sometimes she can be upset by something wherein she'll complain for a while and ask you to go away ( nowadays she asks you to cheer her up- a good sign), but she'll be back a while later, sidling her arm into yours and both of you start humming a soulful song. To me it sounds like the symphony of a river bubbling away and flowing along merrily, sometimes calm and deep and sometimes foamy, moving to the tunes of Mother Nature. That’s who Diya is, with her simplicity, her wisps of short, curly hair flying in the breeze during our sojourns in my flattering terrace and wearing a pleasing smile (for so many things) and I love her exactly for the who she is..A teacher, a friend and a companion and a connection..

le premier foi (if that's what it is)-it should mean, 'the first time' in French

Well finally I ve landed myself in the Blogger's list..and I don't know what to write...But one thing I did notice is that most blogs are black... Wonder why? And there really is no point point wondering about silly things like these when you can wonder about bigger questions in life- like why you were born , which brings you back to square one and you start wishing you would have rather wondered about silly things rather than wonder about the bigger things wondering why you started wondering in the first place... This is a peek into what my mind used to be like...and thankfully it had reduced a great deal with all the kriya... Oh Btw, once you start wondering about why you were born, who created the world, who created the creator of the world and who created the creator of the creator and so on...it sticks on and prods you to find out more which is why I am where I currently am.Well what I have learnt is that these things simply are- like the sun is...There is no point wondering who put it there...the point is he put it there and it helps ( in an understatement) and we just accept it and move on to other bigger things...this applies to everything only they re harder to accept than the fact that the sun is there (which we dont notice until the beads of perspiration combine to form an ocean and drench you, in turn fuelling petrol costs as people employ the nearest means of transport to escape) Maybe that's why there s a petrol bunk strike here..This may do good as people might understand the value of petrol and start being more cautious?? Maybe

Ok getting to the point..what can one really do about inflation?
Impose tax cuts? find alternative fuel? the least one can do is car-pool or walk down to nearby places as often as possible...Out of experience, I have found out that public transport is impossible to use in Chennai, even worse if it rains.. What will people do if all the petrol in the world runs out?? How do Hybrid cars work here?...Homework for the next post :)