After a weird and nice weekend,I'm back at college, only to find out that there's a documentary festival occupying the whole weekend and that we have to make a documentary in two days! not to mention the environment assignment and covering dep exam next fri. Honestly, the exam seems more inviting than the festival or the tight deadlines.
Ever since I've come here, I've been hating it! But from my experience I ve pretty much hated and dreaded almost every experience, that I ultimately ended up learning so many practical things from. But then again, like I say every time, this is the worst of them all.
And looking at some people I know and don't, who get to be so close to the Guru, i feel pain, physical pain that my 'karma' doesn't allow it. Of course, I'm pretty thankful for all the knowledge that I've been able to access through my master. I just wish I could be a devotee par comparison, even in my own eyes. I wish I could be with the Master, but as we're told time again- why the physical presence when he's here with you. My answer to that is: it's easy for you to say when you're that fricking close to him and you're a super senior teacher and/or a rishi or a swami! Where are we? Show me one person who's super devoted and not physically close to him and I'll shut up and emulate. But I'm sick and tired of playing these worldly games, let me find me and I'll be happy to play. After all, you do need to know the game to play it!
PS This is coming from a clearly frustrated soul,
PPS what is that painful feeling that i get when i see people close to the master? why is it that i wanna revel in my solitude during those moments?