It's funny when sometimes some weird longing from the past returns, though not as potent as before, cause you're familiar with it. And Karma too is such an irony.. Spurned love, spurns you... And though all this knowledge is there...that you're Niranjana...that nothing ever touches you, unless you delude yourself into thinking it does, even then it actually doesn't like a dream.. In some ways all the pain I've been through w.r.t spurned love has taught me that much. I have now come to a place where I can feel the pain and the longing, but it doesn't touch me, it can't. It's like I'm in this vacuum.
Having said that, what can I really long for from whoever that is? Psychological satisfaction of acceptance, emotional security? No. The love is there only when there is that longing and that longing colors every moment, every breath with the love. And the eyes, they're like windows to that infinity of longing and love..and pain, pain that be so ecstatic in its victorious moments and so searing in its losses. It's like a two-pronged spear. And love is everything else.
